Okay, I have a lot of thoughts on this because I've been questioning myself a lot- just in terms of what achievement is and why I don't think I'll ever feel content, but I'm also not sure how much of that is looped into my depression/anxiety. All in all, I blame much of it on my asian american upbringing where success/status = how much money you've made = your overall worth, and I was constantly pitted against not even real people but an idealized version of who my mother wanted me to be, so all in all... my lack of ambition in those terms is more like a fear of failure, some weird acceptance that I will never be good enough, so this is fine, even if it's not (but it is?) Contentment for me at this moment is the joy I find in little things, the day to day stuff, but overall? Working on it.
I mean, for those of us with anxiety, it's a somewhat constant reframing exercise, right? And if contentment and ambition are two opposite sides of a scale, I suppose it's about bringing them both to balance? And... yeah, totally working on that. 🤣 Haven't defined achievement for myself yet either.... Let me know if you figure it out!!!
I think some contentment can be attained if I come to terms that it's okay to not be ambitious, and to quiet that guilt and try not to compare myself to others. It's hard! Because you need both.
I don’t get into the comparison game much. More my own expectations of myself. But 100% you need both. My other friend and I talk about this all the time; there are good things that come from our ambition, high performance, and anxiety. It’s not all terrible.
Out of curiosity, how much is "a reasonable number of cats"? 😂
I think of some of my friends, many of them similar in age, who rarely travel - much of this is because they're based in the US with fewer vacation days - hardly ever read, don't show much curiosity about where I've travelled to and I used to wonder about them and think, how can they live like that? But they seem content - on the outside, at least - so maybe the joke is on me/us?
No regrets on my end, it can just be a hectic, uncertain life at times and I wonder if things might be 'easier' if I were more like them, happy with simple pleasures (or none at all).
I would say 1-2 cats per human is reasonable. We had 4 cats to 4 humans; 2 were mine pre-marriage and 2 were my husband’s. We are down to 2 kitties vs. 4 humans now.
Indeed, we are at the time of year where I most notice that my European counterparts are out of the office on their mandated 2-week-long vacations. Meanwhile, I am over here guilting myself for even considering to take a day off while they are on those vacations; someone needs to be here moving the work forward. Pamela Clapp (do you read her Substack?) talks about this cultural difference a lot, but primarily from the lens of the French vs. American. I personally have an unlimited PTO program through my work… but I suffer/hesitate to use even the 2 weeks that I’m “supposed” to take.
Travel-wise… I think there’s a geographical consideration in the States. We can take a 1hr plane flight and still be inside the same state whereas you may be several countries away from home in Europe. In that 1 hour journey, you’re unlikely to experience a full cultural shift in the States. I personally love exploring anywhere and always find things to interest me, but I think that’s a deterrent for many people; why bother traveling if they’re going to see the same things they saw at home? Hotels here are rather costly, I think the value equation just doesn’t come out in the positive for most people…
There’s probably an extremely long conversation to be had about this! I am curious now, though, have you read Kerouac’s On the Road?
Okay, I have a lot of thoughts on this because I've been questioning myself a lot- just in terms of what achievement is and why I don't think I'll ever feel content, but I'm also not sure how much of that is looped into my depression/anxiety. All in all, I blame much of it on my asian american upbringing where success/status = how much money you've made = your overall worth, and I was constantly pitted against not even real people but an idealized version of who my mother wanted me to be, so all in all... my lack of ambition in those terms is more like a fear of failure, some weird acceptance that I will never be good enough, so this is fine, even if it's not (but it is?) Contentment for me at this moment is the joy I find in little things, the day to day stuff, but overall? Working on it.
I mean, for those of us with anxiety, it's a somewhat constant reframing exercise, right? And if contentment and ambition are two opposite sides of a scale, I suppose it's about bringing them both to balance? And... yeah, totally working on that. 🤣 Haven't defined achievement for myself yet either.... Let me know if you figure it out!!!
I think some contentment can be attained if I come to terms that it's okay to not be ambitious, and to quiet that guilt and try not to compare myself to others. It's hard! Because you need both.
I don’t get into the comparison game much. More my own expectations of myself. But 100% you need both. My other friend and I talk about this all the time; there are good things that come from our ambition, high performance, and anxiety. It’s not all terrible.
Out of curiosity, how much is "a reasonable number of cats"? 😂
I think of some of my friends, many of them similar in age, who rarely travel - much of this is because they're based in the US with fewer vacation days - hardly ever read, don't show much curiosity about where I've travelled to and I used to wonder about them and think, how can they live like that? But they seem content - on the outside, at least - so maybe the joke is on me/us?
No regrets on my end, it can just be a hectic, uncertain life at times and I wonder if things might be 'easier' if I were more like them, happy with simple pleasures (or none at all).
I would say 1-2 cats per human is reasonable. We had 4 cats to 4 humans; 2 were mine pre-marriage and 2 were my husband’s. We are down to 2 kitties vs. 4 humans now.
Indeed, we are at the time of year where I most notice that my European counterparts are out of the office on their mandated 2-week-long vacations. Meanwhile, I am over here guilting myself for even considering to take a day off while they are on those vacations; someone needs to be here moving the work forward. Pamela Clapp (do you read her Substack?) talks about this cultural difference a lot, but primarily from the lens of the French vs. American. I personally have an unlimited PTO program through my work… but I suffer/hesitate to use even the 2 weeks that I’m “supposed” to take.
Travel-wise… I think there’s a geographical consideration in the States. We can take a 1hr plane flight and still be inside the same state whereas you may be several countries away from home in Europe. In that 1 hour journey, you’re unlikely to experience a full cultural shift in the States. I personally love exploring anywhere and always find things to interest me, but I think that’s a deterrent for many people; why bother traveling if they’re going to see the same things they saw at home? Hotels here are rather costly, I think the value equation just doesn’t come out in the positive for most people…
There’s probably an extremely long conversation to be had about this! I am curious now, though, have you read Kerouac’s On the Road?
This is a daily struggle for me. If I rest I feel guilty,but sometimes all I want to do is lie on the couch.
Right?! Glad it's not just me. ❤️
One dreams of having simple pleasures...
Does one? 🤔
Maybe it's just me and Gwen Stefani. 😉
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRpZJ9EgJho
Hahaha. I mean. I loved that song when it came out!